Nice long chapter, that needs some work (internalization, descriptions – which would clear up the whole ‘talking heads’ thing – better worldbuilding, changing ‘Dochia’ to something not chuckle-worthy – thanks to the person who pointed that out – and some more I can’t think of now. Ostanes’ first name is going to get changed at some point – probably to Michael – and that bit will need smoothing out.
In general, the only editing I’ve done is changing the place names just now, and removing about 2/3rds of the times Ostanes says ‘doc.’ And probably half the times Neill says ‘Ostanes,’ although those didn’t stick out quite so badly (when I’m voice recording I don’t have as clear of a memory of what I’ve said, and I tend to have people address each other by name far more than is necessary. Additionally, I know there’s some stuff I covered in two different chapters, but I think I’ve edited most of that out.)
I’m trying to resist the urge to edit right now – I really need to let it sit for a bit, and work on other things. It’s very tempting though.
Anyway, that’s more than enough rambling from me, now for banter and stuff.
I decided I really didn’t like the old working title, so we’re back to basics. I realized I forgot to update Wednesday, so you get two chapters. The first one is short and will get expanded on rewrite. The second one is nice and long and I’m pretty happy with it, although I need to add descriptions and more of Neill’s thoughts. (I also still need to decide what to do about Ostanes’ accent, which shows up a lot more in these chapters)
I’ve been reading through The Other Side of the Story, which seems to be a pretty good writing blog. I’m bookmarking posts on things I need to work on. Mostly I need to stop thinking about this story right now and work on other things…
ETA June 2013:Trigger warnings for discussions of violence/death, corrupt doctors.
This chapter is a little short, as are the next two. They’ll get expanded on rewrite. I have to decide what to do with Ostanes’ accent – I haven’t added it to all of his dialogue. I may do italics instead of the doubled letters or I may just drop it (I have a sneaking suspicion an editor would say ‘drop it, add a narrative note if you must’).
ETA June 2013: Content notice for mention of parental death.
The first draft of the novel is finished. Yay! I still have to type up the last couple of chapters and I’ve made some notes of things to fix during rewrite. (I also still need to come up with a title or at least a better working title.) But that won’t be until the end of this year or beginning of next for a couple of reasons.
1) I haven’t ever heard of people recommending editing immediately. It’s good to let it sit for a while so you’re not so close to it (I tend to do some editing while I write anyway). It’s not uncommon to hear of writers letting them sit for a year or more.
2) I have a craft show coming up in October that I need to make a ton of stuff for.
So my plan for the rest of the year is this:
August, September, October: make bookmarks and art / postcards for the Solvang Faeriefest. I’m really only hoping to make 50 or 100 dollars profit, but since I’m going to be selling everything for less than five bucks, hopefully it’ll be more. But the idea is more to get me crafting and doing artistic stuff again, that isn’t related to other projects (and thus I can show here).
November: Nanowrimo. I’m going to try to finish my other novel and 3 – 8 scripts of the White Knight. Should be totally doable, considering I just wrote a novel in less than 20 days while doing RenFaire and working full-time. November has lots of holidays.
December: possibly edit, probably try to work on the house again. I have a lot of projects I’ve put off and I’ll have more time off.
Anyway, thanks for everybody’s support on the novel. I haven’t decided if I’ll post the whole rough draft here or not. I may just do the first part, but then y’all miss my favorite characters…
I got feedback, so that means another chapter! BTW, if you want to say I suck, give some specific reasons, otherwise I’ll just think you’re a troll.
Again, this is a rough draft with next to no editing. This session I was getting into the swing of it, so it’s nice and long (also… well, you’ll see.)
A note on locations: Dochia is approximately equivalent to California. Eillios is Washington DC and Washington, the state, mixed (climate of the state, politics of DC near the capital, more laidback elsewhere). Odede is Oregon. None of them are in the same relative positions as the states. This is set in the AMF, the Anitian Mirevian Federation, which is basically the US, and uses abetaries (a word I’m pretty sure I made up) instead of states.
I still need to make it more therapy and less chatting, but that’s just editing (and getting input from people who know things).
ETA June 2013: Trigger warning for assault. Highlight for specifics >>> (specifically forced undressing and bathing. No actual abuse.) <<<
Very rough title. Again, this is a rough draft, with next to no editing. If people like it, I’ll post more (that means you have to comment). At some point I have to get a beta-reader with experience in mental health stuff so these can be more like therapy and less like chatting, but that’ll wait (I have a bunch more research and prepwork to do too, but that’ll also wait).
I’ve got this novel that’s consuming me and insisting on coming out. So, in lieu of the Ben-Day Spot commentary I promised, you get an excerpt of the rough draft.
This thing is seriously flowing better out of me than anything has in a long time. Usually I can only write long hand. This one? I can write it on the computer. I can write it long hand. It comes best when I voice record it.
Again, this is a rough draft, with next to no editing. If people like it, I’ll post more (that means you have to comment.)
ETA June 2013: Content notice for this and all other parts: discussions of crime, mental illness, personality disorders. Anything beyond that will have an additional content notice.
Prehistoric Creatures Day is every Friday the 13th. You’re supposed to take your prehistoric creatures – dinosaurs, mammoths, and other very very extinct things – to dinner. I, uh, didn’t. Instead, I did a cocktail and dessert party for creatures that assured me counted.
A while ago I got a book called The Bartender’s Best Friend by Mardee Haidin Regan, because I’ve always wanted to learn more about mixing drinks, and find some things I liked, but I’m too cheap and anti-social to go to bars. (My parents don’t really drink. My mom doesn’t drink at all. My dad likes cheap beer and really sweet wine, but will drink almost anything. So I have no standards of quality to go off of. )
And now it’s time for the return of Ben-Day Shots. It’s going to take a bit to get the old ones up here. Anyway, let’s get to it.
Detective Comics #27
1939 May, Golden Age Cover Price: 10 cents
The Case of the Chemical Syndicate
Characters: Bruce Wayne / Batman (first appearance, as ‘Bat-Man’), Commissioner Gordon (first appearance)
Well, it’s Batman. It’s not fair to judge anything by it’s first issue. It’s not fantastic, it’s not quite on character yet, but it’s Batman.
Anyway, it starts in media res with Bruce Wayne and Commissioner Gordon talking at Gordon’s home. They’re apparently old friends. At this point, Bruce Wayne is a pipe-smoking layabout that somehow still manages to get invited on police investigations (was this okay in the 40s? Seriously?) Gordon is a white-haired cigarette / cigar-smoking (I can’t quite tell) man with a tiny mustache and a tacky suit (well, I’m sure it was fine in the 40s). Actually Bruce’s isn’t that great either.
So anyway, Commissioner Gordon lets ‘young socialite’ Bruce Wayne come along to investigate Lambert, the Chemical King’s, death. Including being there as they question his son.
OK, seriously either police procedure in the 40s was very very lax, or the Gotham police just suck. Who the hell mentions that a victim was killed to just anybody who calls? Bruce’s reaction is just adorable. And slap-worthy (see below.)
(slightly edited for ease of reading)
So the man that called gets whacked, but the Bat-man shows up to beat up the perps. He doesn’t look that bad, although the purple gloves are ridiculous (or possibly fabulous. It rather depends on whether you care about fun or plausible crime-fighting).
It should be noted that the Bat-Man is also wanted by the police. And he drives a red, non-bat-in-any-way, car, which I quite like.
Again, edited for conciseness.
So Rogers (one of dead Lambert’s partners) goes to see Alfred Stryker, who, notably, is the only one to get a first name in a caption (the other names are mentioned by young Lambert). Stryker is the last partner and apparently employs an evil chemist named Jennings. Jennings knocks out Rogers and then prepares to gas him. You know he’s evil because he’s continually going ‘heh! heh!’.
In case you thought I was kidding.
Naturally Batman shows up just in the nick of time to save Rogers, keep Jennings from shooting anyway (because if you have a gun you should only try to kill people with it after the hero shows up.) And naturally this wakes up Stryker who tries to kill Rogers some more. The Bat-Man explains everything to Rogers, while holding Stryker with one hand (which is apparently enough to immobilize a person until they get pissed off). Stryker gets mad, the Bat-Man hits him and he falls into the acid tank, which naturally any chemist has. And the Bat-Man does nothing.
Well, basically nothing.
And the story ends with this:
Because your bedroom closet is the perfect place to store your vigilante costume.
Icons:
(Icons may be used or modified wherever, with credit to DC comics)
See Dial B For Blog #389 – 391 (archive.org link) for how Batman was created (and things that DC will never tell you) (there’s some in the final installment that I personally think is a stretch, but judge for yourself)
Credits: (uncredited & details) Rob’t Kane (that is, Bob Kane. Pencils, inks, letters) (script: Bill Finger)
I know I said I’d post some writing, and here you go. This is from November when I was trying to mostly work on a comic series called The White Knight.
This was a bit of a character study. Eric Ryddatz, aka Techrat, has some serious mental problems. When I get around to finishing stuff with him, I’ll get an actual computer guy to double check the error messages Eric throws up when he’s freaked out.
Eric frowned, a slight tightening of the corners of his mouth. He could see the key just through the hole in the wall. He was not going to fail HER (they had asked why she was female if he thought women were illogical, but she was mother, lover, guardian. He could make her perfect if he tried hard enough and she could make the world perfect.) His breath was faster, his heartbeat skipping, his palms sweaty, his stomach lurched. Fear. (Alexithymia, they called it, an inability to distinguish emotions, and they made him learn symptoms, like the glitches and error codes he learned to make HER perfect, but he couldn’t remove them, not as long as he was subject to hormones and glands.)
He tried to control his breathing, envisioning neat rows of zeroes and ones. He was afraid. It was nothing; an irrational phobia, but it was just a hole, not one of the cuffs locking down on his wrists, grinding flesh against bone.
Zeroes and ones. Beautiful, logical, perfect.
He stuck his hand through. He could reach the key that would let him out. Let him back to HER.
He did not scream when the wall closed on his wrist. Others would have. He did not curse or struggle wildly, like others, less rational people would have. His eyes widened and he broke into a sweat, his heart pounding like a walking tape drive. He tried to pull his arm free, squeezing his hand as small as he could. He could hear the key drop to the floor over the pounding in his ears. Biology, weak and imperfect.
He made no noise, but his lips were moving, reciting commands like prayers.
System Error. Abort, Retry, Fail? Retry.
I/O Error. Abort, Retry, Fail? Retry.
GPF. Abort, Retry, Fail? Retry.
C-x C-e
Buffer Overflow. Abort, Retry, Fail?
His eyes were burning. Sweat in his eyes. He could feel his skin tearing as he tried to free his hand. Contaminants. Weakness that could fail HER.
Kernel Panic.
HCB.
The lights went out and the neat white on black letters behind his eyes broke into neon blurs.
He was not like others. He did not scream. He did not swear. If it was because his throat locked down so he could hardly breathe, that was irrelevant. If his methodical attempts to escape had changed to frenzied thrashings that pounded bone against concrete, he did not notice because that was when the sounds began.
Chittering dry sounds, that crackled like static.
He did not scream, but his computer prayers changed to purely human pleas to HER, as he collapsed, his biology too weak to even hold him up.
Oh god, I’m so behind. So so so so behind. And the words are not coming. That’s really all I have to say. I’m trying to get my apartment cleaned up and write. And I have lots of time at work, but the words just won’t come.
I’m to the point where weekly updates aren’t really viable, so that’ll be slowing down. I’ll try to still get a weekly apartment post up, but it may be very short.
Anyway, week 4 was about projects! Specifically painting:
I didn’t do much the third week, so this’ll be a short entry.
First was actually something my awesome dad did. I didn’t show you a picture, but my closet is very small, narrow, and not really enough to store all my various junk and my clothes. Therefore, Dad did this:
As you saw before, there’s a little room between the main room and the bathroom. On one side of that is the door to the main room, on the other is the closet (I’m standing in the bathroom to take the picture). Originally I was just going to put up two clothes rods, but there were no studs available, so Dad built a free-standing thing that was then secured to the wall. So this is my ‘dressing room’. (It has clothes on it now).
Next, I finally got a microwave.
Yeah, that was terribly exciting, but incredibly necessary.
I also got a sideboard to hold my table linens, bathroom supplies, and whatever else ends up in there. I got it from a great vintage shop in Ventura called Attaboy Vintage. Two of my awesome coworkers helped me get in my place.
Apparently at one point it was painted white, and then stripped before Attaboy got it. You can still see white paint in the crevices, as well as inside behind the drawers. They only refinished the top. I’ve oiled it and it looks really nice now (although it could probably use more oil). I should probably get a piece of glass for the top (it’s got some scratches and a gouge, but it looks nice).
That’s it for the week. Next week will be light as well. Things are slowing down. I’ll have to get on making some other content for the site!
