:(

I had to have Nayda put down on Thursday. Zie was the sweetest, friendliest rat you could ask for. Zie was about 2 years, 4 months old.

Of the three I had (Ed, Nayda, and Allard), only Ed is left. I’m going to continue to post pictures of all three, because they’re adorable and I’ve taken a lot.

My name is mine and I love it

Even though it’s constantly mispronounced, every time I see or hear my name it makes me happy. It’s my own name, one I’ve chosen and claimed.

It’s not the name I was born with. The first name is similar and I kept my birth surname as a second middle name (in a futile attempt to appease my parents). My birth name felt girly to me and wasn’t something I identified with. And my birth surname was something I was teased with as a kid (that and a dozen other things.)

There’s been disadvantages to changing it. It was expensive – about $700 for the various court and paperwork fees, plus missing two days of work (but that job sucked anyway). And my old last name was at the end of the alphabet (which was one reason I changed it – I was tired of being at the end of the list). But being at the end meant it was easier to find on a list. And the last time I got called to jury duty, my new name meant I got called into a court room faster (lawyers: never ever pick me for jury duty. It’s a terrible idea.)

It took about a year to get all my bills changed. There are a few things I’ve never bothered to change. I have to put down my old name for background checks when I get hired.

I changed my name because I didn’t like my old one. It didn’t fit me. But I didn’t have any real trauma associated with it, so it’s not painful to deal with references to my old name (except people refusing to use it or giving me shit about it…)

I love my name.┬áIt’s my own name. And it makes me happy.

Stress means the wind wants me to drop shit on my toes

I don’t post about my personal life very often. I don’t think it’s very interesting to be honest. But this is one of those posts, sort of.

I have depression and social anxiety. I’ve had it since I was a kid. Compared to a lot of people it’s not very bad. But when I’m stressed…

Well, let’s make this interesting.

1.jpg

2.jpg

3.jpg

I don’t have a whole lot of really good weeks

4.jpg

And of course once you drop something, you have to start thinking about when you can pick it up again. And it’s RIGHT THERE taunting you with your failure. But if I’ve got a project I’m working on it doesn’t really bother me. But if I have a project I drop more and more things because I’m not paying attention to them.

But then there’s stress. Stress caused by hormones, changes, too much failure, whatever.

5.jpg

No, really. It was supposed to be a cloud or something.

6.jpg

And that’s why I haven’t been updating.

2012 and 2013

This year I wrote 135,000 words of fiction on six stories. I made a fool of myself here by posting a rough draft. I survived that with my self-esteem mostly intact. I won NaNoWriMo and got halfway through Camp NaNoWriMo. I’ve discovered booze I like and started a hell of a liquor cabinet. I tried to get readers here and mostly failed (blog catalogs don’t seem to work, triberr helps only a little). I posted here 56 times, on average twice a week, mostly.

On a more personal level, I moved into my own place, finally getting my stuff out of storage after about three years (although I still have quite a bit still packed because there’s no place to put it, or in a severely disorganized state). I’ve had the same boyfriend since approximately March. I’ve made several new friends and not been a complete hermit. I’m starting my third year working at the same place, where they seem to like me quite a lot and I have lots of free time (or I could do this on my breaks if I would actually remember to take them).

I’ve accomplished less than I would have liked to and more than I thought I would. I spent way too much monkey-clicking around the internet and napping.

So, next year, let’s try to do better! I have a plan (that I probably won’t stick to)!

Continue reading “2012 and 2013”

Why I use Dvorak

keyboard.jpg

Last year I switched from QWERTY to Dvorak. At the time I typed about 55-70 wpm, with 99-100% accuracy. Testing just now, I got 55 wpm, with 100% accuracy (but I did a lot of correcting) on Dvorak.

So, why Dvorak? Did I give into the hype that I would type faster, I wouldn’t get carpal tunnel, that I would suddenly be really really cool? (… I don’t think I’ve ever heard the last one.)

A little.

Continue reading “Why I use Dvorak”