On OKCupid, a guy with an 88% match contacts me. He’s straight and cis, which makes me cautious as all get out. It’s really long (to no one’s surprise) so I’m cutting where I can.
Him: Hi! How are you?
Me: Being super lazy today, but doing alright.
Him: Sweet. I see you are geeky and kinky nice combo [really? You’re going to start on that without even getting to know me?]
Me: Yeah. Not been so kinky lately, but that’s life for ya
Him: Ahh just need the right partner.
Me: Maybe, but I haven’t had the energy for it lately.
Him: I understand. Just takes time.
Him: May I ask something
Me: Mostly I need to get back on anti-depressants, but I’m waiting for my medi-cal card to show up.
Me: Go for it
Him: I got you. If you had your master per say how obidient would you be. [… it’s spelled ‘per se’. And I never said I wanted a master – I said I was looking for a partner for stuff including D/s. So at this point I’ve written him off and I’m waiting to see how bad he’ll be.]
Me: It depends on how things work for us and the situation. I can be a brat – I don’t say my gender = cat for nothing.
Him: Oh you wanted to be treated like a kitty.
Me: When I’m not feeling super dudely, yeah
Him: I know you dress manly as you say which I respect, but what if I wanted to see you dress up girly sometimes? [I’m pretty sure ‘which I respect’ is code for ‘don’t get mad at me’]
Me: It’s probably not going to happen. I hardly have any clothes from the women’s department any more. Possibly once I’m not depressed all the time, I’ll be more genderfluid towards feminine, but there’s no predicting it. I’m not going to make myself dysphoric for anyone.
Him: Of course I just mean if I’m the master I get some control.
Him: Like just here n there is nice.
Me: Considering I know nothing about you, it’s way too early to be talking about any D/s issues [That’s a hint, dude]
Him: I apologize I just was curious because I enjoy it too :)
Him: I’m (name)
Me: Are you on Fetlife?
Me: And your fetname is…?
Me: TygerAce [Of course I checked his profile before I told him mine.]
Me: Not a lot up on your profile. [Seriously, apparently he’s been on for several years, joined no groups, barely has fetishes, minimal profile. And he immediately sent me a friend request … And he’s since deleted it.]
Him: I know I haven’t really filled it out.
Me: That’s such a straight cis guy thing :P [Testing the waters to see if he freaks out about that]
Him: What are you going to do about it :P
Me: Kinda depends on how much of a typical straight cis dom you end up being.
Me: Not trans
Him: Oh I got you
Him: I know you don’t label yourself, but we’re you born female m [er, I label myself a lot…]
Me: Nobody is born a gender. Doctors assign us a gender based on what they see, which may or may not match your gender, gonads, hormone patterns, etc.
Him: Hmmm good point
Me: Yes, I’m assigned-female-at-birth.
Me: But why does that matter? [And I’m going, wait… I thought I… Yep]
Me: It says in my profile I’m afab…
Him: I was just curious, but it shouldn’t.
Me: I’ve been burned way too many times by people who made it obvious that they thought of me as a woman despite my actual gender
Him: Well what do you consider your gender? [‘consider’?!]
Me: Masculine of center androgyne, like it says in my profile.
Him: Oh my bad I Did Read that.
Him: But that’s cool
Him: I’m Casey by the way
Me: You said that :) [I know what you’re doing here, dude.]
Him: Oh tour name?
Me: Silver works fine
Him: Nice to meet you silver. Now also with a partner would u find females together? [Females? Really?]
Me: I’m not interested in women [Not entirely true…]
Him: Only men [No, not really. At this point, I really only like genderqueer people].
Me: And genderqueer people
Him: Oh I see. It says bi so I wasn’t sure
Me: Yeah, and then I say I’m androsensual and asexual
Him: Yes your correct
Me: Of course I am. I know what I wrote. [I’ll give him this much. He’s very even-tempered]
Him: Hahaha I’m sorry I just have to get used to all the terms. I did look them up.
Him: So if say we were together per say could we find another person who is like you?
Me: There aren’t a whole lot of submissive aromantic asexual masculine of center androgynes out there.
Him: Or kind of close too you :) or someone your comfy with who is submissive. [Translation: go girlfriend shopping for me!]
Me: Not a whole lot of any of those.
Him: Ahh but overall your okay finding a third with the right partner.
Me: Eh. I’m just open to poly because I’m not likely to find an asexual dom. So my partner should have somebody else to have sex with.
Him: Oh yeah I Read that because you don’t care much for sex. [Yeah, because with me mentioning after every sexual question that OKCupid offers that I’m asexual it’s easy to miss…]
Me: You could say that, yeah [/sarcasm]
Him: Like you could be my pet but allow me to have another if I need sexual release but you will provide sexual release sometimes. [If he needs sexual release? Ew ew ew]
Me: No, I’ll have sex when I feel like having an orgasm.
Him: Well ok for example if we was a couple and I needed sexual release I could have another for that but when u would need it I’d be around
Me: Do you not have functioning hands?
Him: Yes but the way you were describing being poly
Me: I don’t understand your attitude that your partner or partners are there for your sexual release, rather than because sex would be fun for the two of you
Him: Oh ok would a triad be possible.
Me: I have no problem with my partner having other partners.
Him: That’s cool would you ever be involved with his other partners
Him: I mean u all together. [That’s not a triad, that’s a threesome]
Me: If the other person is masculine and dommy enough, possibly. But unlikely since I tend to just barely have enough energy for one person
Him: Ok I’ll make sure of dat ;)
Me: I’ve played with multiple people at the same time before
Him: How was that
Me: We all had fun, although I don’t think it went the way they predicted
Him: Yeah will get to know each other and go from there.
Me: So working on any creative projects?
Him: Not lately but playing a lot of video games and watching TV shows Sci fi and fantady.
Him: I will be your master
Me: No, you won’t.
Me: Did you ask if I was looking for a master? Did you ask if I wanted you as a master? Did you ask if I’m in a mindspace where it’s safe or good for me to have a master? Nope. And the answer to all of those is no, as well.
Him: I know I know I was trying to make you smile.
Him: Is it possible in time for that?
Me: Dude, you’re at the bottom of a hole. It’s time to stop digging.
Him: I’m just asking
Him: Why does everyone get upset when I ask questions?
Me: I’m not upset, because I saw this coming. No where in my profile does it say I want a master. It says I want a partner. Most dudes calling themselves masters don’t know what they’re doing and shouldn’t be trusted with a goldfish.
Now kindly fuck in the direction of off.
Him: Sorry I wasn’t trying to upset you.
Him: And I know you don’t want a master but a partner.
Me: Still not upset. Still not interested.
I kinda feel bad for the dude, cuz I suspect that he’s got something going on to explain his lack of reading comprehension. But he still needs to do the research necessary not to be a stereotypical straight cis “master”.